awe

relationships flopped. thought they would be in my life for more than reasons or seasons but lifetimes. as I sit on great news, those I would have shared it with are no longer the first point of contact. we lack empathy towards feelings now. talk reckless to our friendships now.

have suspicions of envy, how? were inseparable building penny bridges together. just to make food, you provided the shelter. jetted us around to events and things. singing off beat, what did i mean to you? just a step to climb until you found something new.

over night words slicing me deep. where did it all come from? how did I not see? when deep suspicions kept coming up inside me. they tried to warn me of the pain you’d someday cause. Saw you do it to others, hope I would never be one of those. spoke too soon, too soon, I should’ve known.

when you bent the code, sugar coated it, meticulously spin your web, dress it up so beautifully. i was hurt but the profit was more rewarding for you. what could you get out of it? again, something new. but they don’t know you really lack you. molding into whomever ya next to. ha.

i would sit in awe, how close we are. knowing all along, what value you lack. what etiquette you lack. could be something i denied all along. never told you the deepest,most vulnerable things about me. deep down i knew i couldn’t trust you past surface. how i really see the real you behind the rose glasses. not true. not humble. all false.

still i took a gamble. proved my own self right. protected my heart. held your dagger in plain sight. at last i decided flight. drop it. leave it. just remember good things, posted a note in my heart to say always follow my first thought.

i am meaningful despite who sees my power. don’t need claps or validation. wont beg temps to stay. dont see value in me. God has my final say. take it or leave it. mind has been set x made. smile when we pass each other by, every lesson, never mistakes.

Awe

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